Tuesday, April 10, 2012

"That Sucks"

Being a mom of 3 year old twins, one of them with Autism, sometimes makes me want to scream. Or take up kickboxing. Or drink copious amounts of coffee. Or drive around town by myself looking at houses, when we're not quite ready to buy (a couple years- patience!). I think every mama feels this way- regardless of what challenges their kiddos present.

During those moments/days/weeks of hardship, frustration, and exhaustion all I want is for someone to say "Yeah Jess, that really sucks. It just sucks.". It's validation of my feelings, I suppose. It lets me know they are truly listening to me and can put themselves in my shoes. My friend, Jenny, is best at this and I absolutely love her for it.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the encouraging messages from friends and family. Those are needed, too. One I hear often is "God will only give you want you can handle." I know "God only gives you what you can handle." because He entrusted me with this child who has Autism. It is my responsibility to love him unconditionally and to do everything I can create a joyful life for him. I don't take my responsibility lightly, and I know I can handle it. I know I'm handling it every afternoon when I read Rman's progress log from school. I know it every time I hear him randomly spit out a word. I know it every time he tolerates sitting next to his sister. I know it every time he giggles. I know it at the end of every day, when I settle in for the night and I've survived.

The point is, I know all of these things that people say to me. I know I'm a good mom. I know I'm doing everything I can. I know that they know I'm doing a good job. I know they think I'm strong. I know they think I'm the best advocate for my child. Sometimes, I just want them to know that some days it sucks. That's it- plain and simple... some days suck.

There is just something about someone putting themselves in your shoes. As a special needs mom, I feel that no one can ever fully or truly understand how this disorder has effected my entire life and my family's life. If someone can put themselves in my place, even if just for a moment, it brings comfort to my soul.


  1. I can only imagine what it would be like to walk in your shoes, and I'll pray for you. Please pray for me too in my struggle to be a good mom to my children, one of whom is demonstrating emotions that drive me nearly to my wit's end. I can't understand thema and I certainly don't know how to handle them. I'm trying to pray moment by moment for God's grace to give me wisdom.

    It's a pleasure to meet you and I'm glad you dropped by Flock Together today :)I'm now your happy GFC follower.

  2. I really can't imagine your struggles. It has got to be one I the most difficult things! It does suck...big time! You are an amazing woman, mother, wife and friend! I hope to be half the parent you are one day, Jess! You truly are an amazing person and inspiration!

  3. such a touching and honest post. i loved every bit of it...not that some days suck, but that you're honest.
    i was just talking to a friend earlier about how people need to put othemselves in other's shoes before they are so quick to pass judgement and give harsh opinions.
    in my opinion, you ARE an amazing and strong mama...but you certainly are allowed to have bad days and struggles.
    you'll be in my thoughts <3
    thank you for sharing this...it's refreshing. :)